


Not in Hawaii anymore

by Bluespirit



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Crack, First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-14
Updated: 2011-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-15 16:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/162505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluespirit/pseuds/Bluespirit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny isn’t certain what’s happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not in Hawaii anymore

**Author's Note:**

> This is how it was:
> 
>  **Me** : So, I've written this... thing. Honest to god, I don't even know what it is. I really don't know where it came from or what it's trying to be. Humour? Crack? Just rubbish? *face palm* I think my head is a weird place.  
>  **Lantean Drift** (after reading fic): No, seriously - have you been drinking?!  
>  **Me** : I know! It's completely mental. I just don't have words... So, do you think I should post it?  
>  **Lantean Drift** : Oh hellz yeah!
> 
> So there you go. This is totally Lantean Drift's fault. *g*

Danny isn’t certain what’s happened – hallucinations from a whack to the head or the car running off a cliff, maybe, or, if he’s really, really lucky, it’s all just some weird-ass dream – but there’s one thing he knows for damned sure; he’s just woken up in Middle freaking Earth, and, without a doubt, it’s all Steve’s fault.

“Hey!”

Danny spins around, and yeah, there’s the asshole in question and… Oh, of course, Steve’s a freakin’ elf! Not the cute, little, pixie kind that Gracie has plastered all over her lunch box, but the tall, ethereal, so-beautiful-it-hurts-to-look sort like in the movies. Because yeah, he’s seen the movies. He isn’t just a shoot-em-up action flick kind of guy; he has depths, layers… okay, he’d gone to see them because Rachel wanted to, but he’s seen them, all the same. So, he knows an elf when he sees one.

“Cool, huh?” Steve’s grinning like the out-of-control lunatic that he is and holding up a wicked looking silver knife with all kinds of weird lettering on it.

 _Elvish script_ , Danny’s brain oh-so-helpfully adds, and Danny tells it politely to go fuck itself.

So, Steve’s an elf. Without the pointy ears and long hair, but he’s all kinds of graceful, and he’s got the clothes and what looks like a bow and freaking arrow, so yeah, Steve’s definitely an elf. Right. So, what does that make Danny? He takes a quick glance down at himself – at way too much leather and heavy, dull armour - and rolls his eyes. A dwarf. What a surprise. The universe is such a god damn comedian sometimes.

“Nice axe.” Steve smiles.

“This is a dream, isn’t it?” Danny sighs, sinking down onto a handy log and resting the axe – _a fucking axe_ – across his knees. “Any minute now, I’m going to wake up and be back home in my apartment which, though crappy, is blissfully free of orcs and other weird fantasy type shit.”

Steve sits down at Danny’s side and leans in, bumping their shoulders together. “Let’s face it, Danno – orcs wouldn’t be seen dead at your place.” Steve smirks. “Even minions of the Dark Lord have standards.”

Danny gives him a sour look. “Very funny. You and the universe – you ought to go on the road together. You’d bring the house down.”

“Hey.” Steve presses closer, a line of heat against Danny’s side. “It’s not that bad.”

“Easy for you to say,” Danny snorts. “You’re an elf – beautiful and noble and…” And yeah, actually that was Steve even when they weren’t trapped in some weird dream-alternate reality-whatever. “And stupid in the head.” Because he’s almost said too much, and Steve’s smug enough as it is.

Steve goes still. “You think I’m beautiful?” His voice is low, almost whisky rough.

“Okay, you got me,” Danny blusters because there’s nothing like a good offence, and okay, this is nothing like a good offence, but he’s improvising here. “But this is a dream, so I’m allowed. Right?”

“What about when you wake up?”

In for a penny… “You’ll still be beautiful, but that’ll be the real world. The one where I won’t have let my stupid Dwarven tongue run away with me, and you won’t know that I’m crazy in love with you. So you can rest easy, Super Elf. You don’t have to worry about me having designs on your manly virtue.”

Steve’s smile grows a little predatory – and wow, who knew that would be such a turn-on? – and he leans in close, so close that Danny can feel the warmth of his breath against his cheek. “But what about if _I’ve_ got designs on _your_ virtue though, Danno? What happens then?”

There’s a sharp spike of something - relief, hope, maybe a little of both - in Danny’s chest and then he’s hauling Steve in, fingers twisting in soft fabric as their mouths meet.

Steve kisses like he’s starving for it, tongue and heat and needy little moans under his breath that are just about killing Danny… and fuck it; he’s going to enjoy it while it lasts. Who knows? Maybe he’ll finally get around to taking a shot when he does wake up. What is he, a man or a mouse? Hell, he knows one thing for damn sure, he’s no fucking dwarf! Though yeah, the axe is kind of cool…

 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction and is meant solely for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.


End file.
